I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
