And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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