yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We won't sleep together?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
