So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
