i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
