You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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