I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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