So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
