What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
