She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
