I'm drive I can fine osifer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
