Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
