i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
