I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We don't watch enough power rangers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
