how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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