Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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