so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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