So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
