You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
