she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
