Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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