If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
