I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
