thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
