wakey wakey hands off snakey
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
