I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
