I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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