i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
