Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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