he was CRYING into my vagina
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
