im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
