Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
