he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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