i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
