when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
