OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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