finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
