good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
