My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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