Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize