"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
