Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
