You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
