don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
