Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
