I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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