The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found your dick twin last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
