Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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