Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
accomplished twins. life is a go
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
