he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
