These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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