I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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