WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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