I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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