OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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