Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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