she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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