Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
