you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
