WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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